Thursday, August 7, 2008

This evening, i was about to go home when i was torn between two choices, whether to pass by the chapel or not. I usually go to the chapel before i go home but i was unusually tardy to go and visit God kanina. Then I thought that i would be walking home so I might as well ask for a little guidance from Him. So, i went to the chapel. The seminarians, then, were having their Benediction. Almost reaching the Shrine's door, i saw a friend sitting on the plant box. I tapped his shoulder and when he turned, i saw him crying. My heart broke at that instant. I have never seen him cry, ever. He's a very strong guy. Oftentimes, i depend on him for strength. I felt pain on my insides, as if my heart was being twisted. I hugged him, because i was at a loss for the right words to say. I hugged him tight and I told him, "Kaya mo yan!", though i was not really sure of what was running through his head. I left him for a while because i did not want to cry with him. I thought that i should at least stand strong for him. I went inside the chapel and the song that was playing gave me the chills.

"Be not afraid, I go beore you always. Come, follow me and i will give you rest."

I felt as if God was telling me exactly this. That i should not be scared. I looked at my friend again who was looking at the Sacred Host from the outside. Maybe he was tired, I thought. I prayed for him hard. I did not want to see him in pain, not like that. I went out again and gave him a tight hug and left. I was crying while i was walking. I felt weak. I have always seen that friend of mne as someone so strong and yet, he was there, weak and hurting. I was not able to do anything. People get tired of being who they are and when they do, they turn to the One who could give us much comfort. At one point or another we fall into our knees, we get weak, we become the human beings we truly are and we turn to Him. When we get scared of what lies before us, we flee to Him like children. We turn to Him for strength, for inspiration, we turn to God for love. Seeing my friend like that, made me look into myself. I am weak too. I am not that strong, i fall down so many times more that that friend of mine. And it is okay to cry, it is okay to admit that i can't go on anymore and that i need rest. it is okay to get weak, to get tired. It is okay. There is this someone who love me still and He will never get tired of listening to me cry. Even if we are not the most attractive people when we cry, He'll lovingly look at us and listen. We must not be afraid to admit that we are human, afterall, it is how He made us to be. I know my friend is hurting, but i leave it to God to comfort Him. I realized that his situation may be way beyond what i can understand. That's why i leave it to the one who knows best. That's another thing i learned today, learn to let go and let things flow. There would come times where things would go beyond my powers and i must leave it to God and just let Him to the rest. I must not be afraid for he's always with me...