Wednesday, April 30, 2008

**deja vu ba ito? pangalawang beses ko na ieencode ang entry na ito. nag shut down ang computer na ginamot ko kamina, yun ang kagandahan ng pageencode gamit ang blogger, may auto save sila, eh pag nagccross post lang ako, from multiply to blogger, wala. kaya sa mga ganung pagkakataon, uulitin ko sa umpisa, pag minamalas ka nga naman**

"Malalaman mo lang ang tunay na halaga ng isang bagay sa'yo pag nawala na sila sa'yo."

time check: 6:38 p.m.

True, and baaaadtrip, ngayon ko lang narerealize tong mga bagay na 'to. ngayon ako nalulungkot, umiiyak...miss ko na high school friends ko...Karen, Amae, Marou, Lara, Efrel, and Donna too...nakakaguilty pero parang i practically pushed memories with them aside kasi masaya na ako ngayon. naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi all the while i thought sila yung umiwan sa kin, whereas ako pala nagtulak sa kanila palayo, ako yung nang-iwan. Kung tutuusin , sila parin yung best set of friends that i ever had...sila kasi yung nagtyaga sa kin for the longest time, for years and years, they've been patient with me, sa mga kadramahan ko, sa kaartehan ko, sa kaligaligan ko, sa mga tantrums ko, sa pangungulit ko, sa kasungitan ko, never nila ako iniwan, never sila nagreklamo, parang kahit i was in my self destructive mode na, they loved me pa rin. Hanga ako sa tolerance nila, and ngayon ko lang narerealize to? i am such an ungrateful bum. i hate it.

miss ko na silang lahat. lalo na si karen. i am very sorry for what has become of us. i hope it's not yet too late. nakakainis. nakakafrustrate. back to basics...bago ako makarating kung san man, sila ang pinanggalingan ko...

time check: 7:38 p.m.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

You'll always be my Baby

got hooked to A.I. when i heard David Cook sing this song...

oooh! so in love right now.

Always Be my Baby
David Cook

we were as one babe
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine
now you want to be free
so I'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart babe
our love will never die,no!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

i ain't gonna cry no
and i won't beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave boy
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no

you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back boy
when your days and your nights get a little bit colder ooohhh
i know that,you'll be right back, baby
oh, baby believe me it's only a matter of time
of time

you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on (and we will linger on)
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Kiss, Kiss, Kiss!

I found this collection of definitions:

Professors of different subjects define the same word different
Prof. of Algebra: Kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: Kiss is the shortest distance between two
straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the
expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: Kiss is the reaction of the interaction
between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: Kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary
Prof. of Physiology: Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis
oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when
Prof. of Economics: Kiss is that thing for which the demand is
higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: Kiss is an event whose probability depends on
the vital statistics of 36-24-36
Prof. of Philosophy: Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy
for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction;
it is more common than proper; it is spoken in
the plural and it is applicable to all
Prof. of Engineering: What is a Kiss?

More serious thoughts on the matter:

"A Kiss is a peculiar proposition. Of no use to one, yet
absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing, the young
man has to steal it, and the old man has to buy it. It is the
baby's right, the lover's privilege, and the hypocrite's mask. To
young girl, faith; married woman, hope; old maid, charity. A Kiss
can be a comma, quotation mark or an exclamation point. It is also
a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one."

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." --Alex Karev (Grey's Anatomy)

14 years without him....

Today marks my daddy's 14th death anniversary. 14 years without my father. Memories of the night he died would come into my mind from time to time. My brothers and I were sleeping with Mami in my parents' room. I was five. We were woken up bya grandmother who lived two houses away, she looked really scared when we saw her, i remember standing behind Mami, holding my kuya's hand. Then she told Mami the news, my dad was shot in the head and arrived dead in the hospital. I couldn't remember the things that happened next.

the next thing i recall: being in my lola's house watching people "freak out in our house" we were wondering what was going on there, but a relative handed us a blue plastic bag with 4 ponkans. Daddy's pasalubong for us.

Next memory: sitting on my ninong's lap asking him where my daddy was, he blankly pointed to the coffin in front of us, then i asked, "Di ba nahihirapan si daddy dun? ang sikip." He just shook his head then started to cry.

We didn't understand. For years and years, my younger brother thought that daddy would be returning home soon, maybe as he grew older, he finally came to the realization that daddy isn't coming back anytime soon.

My dad was a great guy, he didn't drink alcohol, he didn't smoke, he just had this passion for roosters. Whenever he'd win bets with cockfighting, he'd take home roasted chicken for our family to share. I'd also remember riding his jeepney early in the morning to take Mami to work, then we'd buy spaghetti worth 10 pesos and we'd eat it by making a hole on the corner of the plastic and pushing the spaghetti out of it.

I miss my dad so much...

no matter where life takes me, at the end of the day, i'm still dadi's little girl...

Sunday, April 13, 2008


I am not good at bowling, you know how frustrated i become when i do sports. I am not good at anything. Back when i was in UPLB, we treated bowling like an up sized version of jolens, we never played it seriously. Having the chance to play real bowling made me really nervous. The people i was with were professionals, they played bowling with passion. As i was playing, i wanted to disappear into thin air. I was not making any of the pins fall down. Not even close. But when i turn my back to see my companions, they were all there smiling at me, cheering me on, as if telling me that i could do better next time. I felt happy. Hearing their words of encouragement made me try harder. At the end of the game, i had numbers opposite my name, i made scores. I made pins fall down. Thanks to them who believed in me.
I failed a lot of times, but they never lost faith that i could do better on my next try.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

balik UPLB...

last Tuesday, April 8, 2008, i came back to the University of the Philippines in Los Baños to meet some of my friends. The place is pretty much the same, save for the new stores along the Grove and the functional building beside the Office of the University Registrar. They also have a new traffic system, jeepneys no longer pass infront of BioSci but instead pass behind the Main Library. They have "Kaliwa" and "Kanan" on the signs on the windshields of the jeepneys. Kaliwa jeeps would pass by the Math building and the Kanan jeeps would pass by the Raymundo Gate. The environment is still friendly as usual. The trees around gives me a certain sense of warmth, it still feels like home to me. I haven't walked along the Carabao park for almost 2 years already, the huge heads of the Carabaos were repainted and they look new. The KwekKwek tower seems to lose it's vibrance as its paint is starting to fade away. I was with Marius, we both "voluntarily" left UPLB summer of 2006. We were reminiscing about our fondest memories of each place we visit. Our usual lunch outs at Elen's inside the Raymundo village, the time we watched a UP-choice perform at the DL Umali hall, the day we first met at the NCAS building, our merienda sessions at MCdonald's, our billiard games at the student Union many memories.
When we got inside the campus, a few students roam the streets of the campus, we rarely saw familiar faces, that's why we got into this contest of meeting more friends. I had a head start, as i saw my bloc mate Gib, who was surprisingly excited to see me again. When we ate at Mcdo, we saw some of our batchmates together, two of them were my former classmates in English 1 and 2, but none of them recognized me. Somehow, i felt that i didn't really fit in there anymore.
To end the day, we ate dinner at eLBi square. i was with Brylle, rap, Pal and Nathan, they're all from Davao and i would often hang-out with them when we were freshies. Before, i barely understood their conversations because they would talk to each other using their vernacular language, but i never felt out of place. i really enjoy being with them. Before, whenever i'd feel upset with my barkada, i would go to mangoville to hang out with them.
I am happy going back to eLBi, bittersweet experience, Pal and i wanted to go back, but obviously, we cant. we were just happy to see everyone doing okay. eLBi is still a home for me. Still the place where i learned to be patient and be with people. I have changed a lot, eLBi made me feel that, I have grown a lot. My decision to leave was affirmed. I am happy. Happy to be friends still with the people i considered family two years ago. *wink*