Wednesday, August 20, 2008

On Attachment...

This afternoon, I sat beside my classmate Jules during my Educational Research Class. We got into this conversation about attachment and detachment. I actually, it was more like me talking and him listening to me.

I fear being attached to people, but in contradiction to that fear, I seem to be a very friendly person on the outside, I like being with people, I don’t like being alone. After leaving UPLB, I resolved not to be attached to people anymore, because in UP, I depended on people for my happiness, I depended on my friends whenever I was to make a decision, and not many people know that I left UP partly because one of my dearest friends decided to leave UP. I could not imagine my life in UP without him, (sounds too mushy…and it kind of freaks me out too…) let me put it this way; I find it hard to imagine my life in UP not having him around… (Does that sound better?) Anyways, so there, I left UP and when I decided to move to don Bosco I kind of promised myself that I would be concentrating more in my academics rather than my social night for I have had my great share of the life with friends when I was in UP. But later on, I realized that being attached to people is kind of inevitable. And slowly, I was yet again on the same pit I was on a year ago. The only difference is that this time, I felt good about it. I did not look at my batch mates as mere classmates, I treated them like family. I love them so much, and after almost three years of togetherness, I am definitely attached to them.

Attachment to them is not bad, not at all, but there would come a time when I would have to learn to detach from them, for my growth, for our friendships’ growths. I fear the time when I would have to do that. I would tell my self, “Pa’no na sila kung wala ako?” but moreover, “Pa’no na ako kung wala sila?” I can’t seem to imagine life without them. I am scared of the pain, that’s why last summer I tried to detach myself from them which was kind of unsuccessful. I prayed, “Please, wag po muna…di ko pa po yata kaya ng wala sila…” I know that time will come I would have to learn to detach, but I hope I’d be given more time, more time to gain enough strength. Haaay…

This is basically the reason why Patrick Menorca said that I was a walking contradict. I do against what I feel. A great pretender.

But I guess, that is life, people come and go. As what Jules said, “Time and people may leave, but memories will be treasured forever.”