sorry

let's work this out...
i am missing you already...

a tribute

december 22, 2007:

after working hard in the past weeks for the college activities, we're finally given the 16-day vacation for the holidays. our batch decided to have an outing of some sort before we go on our own ways (we live in pretty scattered locations around the country) two of us would be staying here in canlubang, one in cabuyao, two in makati, one in parañaque, one in mandaluyong, one in cebu and two in pampanga. too bad cielo was not able to go with us, but bhaby and kuya alan went with us. we ate lunch in tagaytay. It was a very filling meal as we feasted on japanese food. as we were dining, i kept on looking at the faces of my friends, trying to capture mental images of them that i could store in my head for the next sixteen days. true enough, i have grown fond of each one of them. they are the family i chose for myself. they are the people i turn to when i have a bad say at school and even at home, they are the people i turn to when i find myself lost and in pain. they understand and they stand by me no matter what. this morning, a friend asked me, "do blessings exist?" i say yes. i was with the best set of blessings God has ever given me. people who make me feel appreciated and accepted. they are the people who can be brutally honest with me , people who never make me feel that i am alone but at the same time, they make me do things the way i want to. i am overwhelmed with gratitude for having a great set of friends like them.

hopeful

I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he'll make a way
I know it ain't easy but that's okay.
Let's be hopeful!

This is a song from the soundtrack of Coach Carter. This song clearly send a message across: no matter how bad things may seem, let's be hopeful, things would get better soon. Just like what people often say: "there's a rainbow always after the rain." For someone who might read my blog, you'd find me at the end of your rainbows, waiting. Let us trust in Him. Things will turn out for what's best.

Coach Carter: Reflection

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. " (Timo Cruz)

Being a mediocre can be really tiring. I used to complain about my high school teachers pressuring me to excel in the things I do, but now, it is tiring to have them to make me do things beyond my capabilities. i want to excel in the things i do, i want to go beyond what people expect me to do, i want to be great. i want to show them i can. i want them to believe i can.

PWD DAY 2007

to my kuya...

i'll always be that little girl you save from all the troubles she gets herself into...
but i am learning, that doesn't mean i don't need you anymore. i still want you here beside me, to watch over me...

Song lyrics | Umbrella lyrics

What a Wonderful World!

Leadership Training Camp

to my "big brother"

i am sorry. you know how i hate disappointing you. you have been one of the most influential people in my life and i hope you know that. i listen to every advice you give. i think hundreds of times before i go on and make a decision. i am sorry for going against what you suggested. i am not doing this to hurt you. i am doing this to show you that i have learned a lot from you. i want you to trust me with this. i'll be okay. please don't give up on me, not just yet. i need you now more than ever. i know you're tired of watching me get into all sorts of troubles imaginable and having to save mew from all the mess. I told you, i am learning, this time, i'll do better. this time, i'll be okay. I am sorry for being so insensitive about your feelings. i am sorry for disappointing you for the nth time. i'll make it up to you. i hope to talk to you soon. just you and me, no masks. i miss you and i am sorry.

i'll be your guardian angel...

even if saving you sends me to heaven...
i'll watch over you...
and continue fighting for and with you...

Candle on the Water

losing hope...
losing faith...
with knees shaking,
and lips trembling...
i come to her side and seek the comfort i need...
the candle in the dark waters...
my light...
my hope...

"Pugnabimus ad finem!"

we will fight to the end.
i will fight with and for you...


another round of tougher battles await us.
i'll be here for you no matter what.

to my guardian angel... *ehem*

mic test, mic test...*ehem*

i dedicate this song to a close friend of mine who has been there to see me through all my imperfections and tell me that these imperfections don't make me much less of a person. He believes in me. That's one thing that is very important to me...
thank you so much. you really are my angel.

Wag Ka Ng Umiyak Lyrics

OHANA...

sometimes i think lola's death is sort of a push for the rest of the family to come together and act like a real family. i am scared na baka 'spur of the moment' lang to. that's why i am trying not to enjoy it. i am trying not to get used to this. baka kasi mamiss ko pag wala na.

Thomas J. Sennett: What do you think it's like?
Vada Sultenfuss: What?
Thomas J. Sennett: Heaven.
Vada Sultenfuss: I think... everybody gets their own white horse and all they do is ride them and eat marshmallows all day. And everybody's best friends with everybody else. When you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last.
Thomas J. Sennett: But what if you're afraid to ride horses?
Vada Sultenfuss: Doesn't matter 'cause they're not regular horses. They've got wings. And it's no big deal if you fall 'cause you'll just land in a cloud.



it is amazing how as kids we can imagine how heaven is like. everything's fancy and dreamy, candy coated and feathery. but when we grow up, everything seems to change, we just have to over-analyze everything and do a lot of philosophizing.

if the feeling is gone...

If the feeling is gone
please don't pretend that you still love me
I can see it in your eyes
and it hurts to admit it
but I can't tell that the feeling is gone.

All i ask is just a little honesty
Though i know that you're not coming back to me
You know i'll do anything to make you stay
But i just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

There is sadness in your smile
Though you try to conceal it
I can't tell if the feeling is gone

All i ask is just a little honesty
Though i know that you're not coming back to me
You know i'll do anything to make you stay
But i just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

make-believe

ever been forcibly waken up by someone from a beutiful sleep? feels bad right? well, i have had one of those... it was really bad. You see, i have been sleeping, i have been living in my world of make believe. i have been running along with a crown of daisies on my head, i have been living a princess' life. i have been living happily with my knight-in-shining armor. we were inlove, we were happy. we were safe in the world we were living in.

but one day, my knight said, "it is time to wake up. we need to face the real world. we need to vacate the world we created for ourselves. everything that we had, even the LOVE wasn't real."

what does he expect me to feel? what does he want me to say? "ah, really? okay!" then, i'd jump out of my bed and live my life in the real world and wave at him happily when we see each other again. just like that? after everything that just happened? He actually thinks it's as easy at that? No, i don't think so, i would have to give myself time. i would have to give myself room to heal. a little more of make-believes, a little more denial, a little more lies... a little more...

a little more, trhen i'll be moving on, and when i do, there's no turning back. i'll be moving on...


i'll be okay.

weary

I am not that strong

In fact, i am very weak.I have gone through a lot and all these trials must have worn me out along the way. i am not that strong. at the end of the day, i am just a child, helpless, weak. i still cry out for help once in a while.

I never really enjoyed my childhood. i have been watched all my life. I grew to be a person who's afraid of what others have to say about me. i have always been afraid of doing something wrong. i have been very afraid of being weak, of not knowing what to do, of not knowing the answers. I am supposed to be the strong one, the smart one the one with all the answers. i feel stupid whenever i can't provide the answers even to my own inquiries. but what can i do? i am no super human, just like anybody else, i am just what i am. a child... all i can do is pray for a better tomorrow...


i am tired. fed up.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. "

(Marideth Grey, Grey's Anatomy)

My fairy tale's over. I didn't have the happy ending i was hoping for. I prayed hard for each magical moment to last, but like what other people always say, good things never last. It is time to let go, time to snap back to reality and time leave the world of make believe. Life is not always fair. Life may be such a pain in the ass. I am ready to let go, not because i want to, but because I have to. i don't want to hurt anybody. Love can be very choking sometimes. I probably love too much, i probably give too much. Maybe it's time i give myself the love i deserve. Maybe it is time that i step out of the shadows of the people i call for help. Maybe it is time to stand on my own. They won't always be around. At the end of the day, i will be responsible for what my life has become. maybe it is just fitting that i make the most out of it.

tension...

everyone's having a hard time completing the requirements imposed on us. but i noticed this morning that i am the most relaxed among my batch. in fact, i am too relaxed daw...when i was in high school, we call our bath the "rushbabies". I like working under time pressure. I like working after a big push. i like working on term papers, a week before the deadline, i like working for field study reports just before time runs out. I am not a good group mate, i am not a good team mate when it comes to scholastic requirements...
i am sorry for giving my group mates a hard time... i am sorry for being such a pain in the ass...

if you'd just trust me... i know what i am doing.
this works for me...

on love...

"Love is not something to be over-analyzed. it's supposed to be spontaneous and involuntary for it is an activity of the heart."

in memory of our Murphy...

totally terrified of what i knew was about to happen, i came late for my biology class...
we were about to kill, skin and open up a frog... what we had wasn't really a frog, it was a toad (read: bigger) i was terrified... sir oliver demonstrated how to paralyze the frog, i sat in the corner crying until kuya ron told me to get up and join the group. i did join them, but i was not looking at whatever they were doing. after a few words of encouragement from almost everyone, i found myself holding the feet of the toad as kuya ron was pithing the head. then i said to myself, "*snap* they actually talked me into doing this thing." i was crying of course... i cried like a kid, like a baby, it was quite embarrassing, now that i look back at it, but at that time,i didn't really care... all i was thinking of was the toad. when it was dead, i helped in skinning it. i found inspiration from grey's anatomy. hahaha! it was there that i realized that i could be a surgeon. we named our frog "Murphy". He was a good frog. He didn't give us a hard time though it took quite a while to kill him completely. I will miss Murphy. But i am still terrified of frogs and toads, especially if they're alive and croaking.

College Retreat

Life is like a pencil...



1. there is something good in you.
2. you need to be sharpened in order to live.
3. in case of mistakes, you are provided with an eraser.
4. remember, somebody is holding you.
5. you have to leave a mark.


Our three-day retreat focused on the pencil module. the points stressed are quite self-explanatory. I enjoyed the retreat. It felt good going back into myself. I needed a break from all the drama and the chaos my life has brought me. I needed this break. In fact, I need more breaks like this. I am not as strong as I seem. I am no super-human. I am weak. In fact, the bruises on my arm would prove that i do not do well with stress. I am an angry person. Very angry, incapable of loving truly, at least not yet. I need to settle things first. I need to solve my issues. I need somebody to talk to. I am tired of running away from everything. I want to talk about what happened almost 14 years ago. I want to speak up.

52 confessions

1. The phone rings, who do you want it
to be?
- my mom, sana si marius din or si ralph

2. When shopping at the grocery store,
do you return your cart?
- nope... hahaha!

3. If you had to kiss the last person
you kissed, would you?
- sure... hahaha!

4. Do you take compliments well?
- compliments??? when i get some... i am grateful...

5. Do you play Sudoku?
- no.. i am bad at numbers

6. If abandoned alone in the
wilderness would you survive?
- depende. hahaha!

7. If your house was on fire, what
would be the first thing you would
save?
- important pictures and documents of course...

8. Who was the last person you slept
in the bed with?
- hhhm.... can't remember... ah! kapatid ko... wahahaha!

9. Who do you text the most?
- cielo... partida, lagi pa kami magkasama....

10. Favorite children's book?
- yung tales from the carrot patch

11. Eye color?
- black

12. How tall are you?
- 5'4?

13. If you could do it over again,
start from scratch, would you?
- do what????

14. Any secret admirers?
- kemerkemerlu... di ko alam

15. When was the last time you were at
Olive Garden?
- never been there...

17. Where was the furthest place you
traveled?
- pampanga....ah! i have been to baguio na pala...

18. Do you like mustard?
- ewwwnesss... no

19. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
- sleep....

21. Do you miss anyone?
- super. my mom, si pal, c dada

22. Can you do splits?
- nung bata pa ko... di pa tnatry ulit....

23. What movie do you want to see
right now?
- yung kay aga and angelica....

24. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
- can't remember... i slept lang ata...

25. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
- i didn't get to watch that one.

26. Do you own a camera phone?
- yup

27. Was your mom a cheerleader?
- nope. but she cheers well...

28. What is the last letter of your
middle name?
- p

29. Are you hispanic?
- my grandparents are...

30. How many hours of sleep do you get
a night?
- dunno. i`m guessing 5-7 hours

31. Do you like care bears?
- i cried nung feb fair 2005 just to get one.... i love them

32. What do you buy at the Movies?
- clover chips and mango juice...

33. Do you know how to play poker?
- nope.

34. Do you wear your seatbelt?
- when reminded lang...

35. What do you wear to sleep?
- sando at boxer shorts

37. Is your hair straight or curly?
- wavy

38. Is your tongue pierced?
- sana.... before mag christmas siguro...

39. Do you like Liver and Onions?
- nope

40. Do you like funny or serious
people better?
- it depends on the situation and my mood.

41. Ever been to L.A.?
- nope

42. Who is on your mind right now?
- si rob...

43. Any plans for tonight?
- sana makatulog na ko ng maayos

44. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
- when she cries

45. Do you hate chocolates?
- nope.

46. What do you and your parents fight
about the most?
- when i scream at my brothers

47. Are you a gullible person?
- yung shallow side ko oo

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend
to be happy?
- nope..

49. If you could have any job what
would it be?
- crime scene investigator.

50. Are you easy to get along with?
- i guess.sana...

51. What is your favorite time of day?
- late afternoon.....

52. Are you generally a happy person?
- medyo.

randon questions 2

Do you trust your friends?
* yup. i trust my friends a lot. i tell them ALMOST everything

Would you move to another state or
country to be with the person you love?
* depende, would he do the same???.

Do you believe that everything
happens for a reason?
* yes... i want to believe na there's reason for everything.

What were you doing today?
* eating... we were supposed to have classes... kaso wala prof....

Which one of your friends do you
think would make the best roommate for
you?
* siguro si cielo...hahaha! makulit kasi eh, masaya kasi trip nun... kung pdeng co-ed, isama mo na rin yung si pal...

Can you deal with people who are too
concerned with status?
* kaya, kung kailangan, bakit hndi?

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Why or why not?
* i love, no matter how hard it would be, no matter how painful it could be...

Is there someone who pops into your
mind at random times throughout the
day?
* yes. whenever i see something that would remind me of him...

Would you stop talking to
your friends because you hooked up with
a new guy/girl?
* nope, if a guy disapproves of the friends i have, bahala sya, wag nia ako papapiliin baka madisappoint lang xa...

Name one person from your friends
list that you could call to fix a flat
tire.
* si carla siguro...

from your friends list, who can you
call in the middle of the night?
* hm, si des?

What qualities do you find most
attractive with the opposite sex?
* makulit, understanding, yung may sariling paninindigan

Fill in the blank. I will
______:

* go home later...haha!

What can you tell by kissing
someone?
* kung may proper hygiene ba sya... wahaha! joke lang... siguro kung may spark o wala...

When you get married, how would you
envision your dream wedding to be?
* simple pero memorable... gusto ko sa batulao... haha!

If you were to wake up from being
in
a coma for an extended period of time,
name some people you would want to see
* loved ones ko...

Would you make a good parent?
* siguro di pa ngayon... di pa ako ready... waaaa

What is your middle name?
* lalap

What is your current relationship
status?
* free but complicated...very complicated...

Honestly, does your crush like you
back?
* ewan ko, and i don't really care...haha!

What is your current mood?
* tired and sleepy

What makes you most happy?
* seeing my loved ones happy...

Are you musically inclined?
* siguro...

If you could go back in time, and
change something, what would you
change?
* yung childhood ko

Who makes u happy most of d time?
* having a great set of friends who often remind me na i have no right to be sad kasi God is constantly showering me with great blessings...


Have u receive a shocking
revelation
lately?
* i think so...??!

mga katanungan pa...

What kind of first impression do
you think people have when they first
see you?
* suplada at maarte
* maingay at tatanga-tanga
* good for nothing at purita

What is your favorite line to say
when bored?
* "kapoy..."

What movie(s) made you cry?
* click, maid in manhattan... 50 first dates...

Do you ever have to beg?
* yup, to make people talk to me...

what kind of books do you like to
read?
* coehlo din... j.k. rowling... kahit ano ...

Do you think you're cute?
* i dunno, minsan..

Is it a problem changing clothes in
front of your friends?
* nope... haha

Favorite communication method?
* letter... magulo ako kausap eh....

Do you care?
* seldom

What do you eat when you raid the
fridge at night?
* watermelon...

If you could have plastic surgery,
what would you have done?
* hm...knee scabs...

Describe your bed?
* magulo... as in magulo...

Spontaneous or planned?
* spontaneous....

Do you know how to play poker?
* ndi po... si brylle ata marunong...

random questions

1. Name one person who always make you
smile.
- cielo the clown....wahahaha!

2. What were you doing at 5:00 this
morning?
- sleeping... i was so tired yesterday....

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
- staring at my blog

4. Who was the last person who broke
your heart?
- marius palacios... but he didn't know... di nya kasi alam na i loved him that much.

5. What is the last thing you said
aloud?
- "babay!"

6. How many different things did you
drink today?
- two, coke and water

7. What color is your hairbrush?
- wala akong suklay... masaklap... nawala sa bahay.

8. What was the last thing you bought?
- coke... kanina

9. where do you live?
- sa manggahan, palo-alto calamba city.....

10. What color is your gate?
- red...

11. Where is your sister?
- sana meron... hahaha!

12. how was your day yesterday?
- tiring... bothering and boring...

13. What is the last ice cream flavor
you ate?
- hahahaha! chocolate... pinipig

14. are you an optimistic one?
- sometimes

15. Do think your okay?
- no

16. contented in life?
- could be....

17. Do you talk a lot?
- yup... a great cover up

18. are you happy with the love of your
life right now? why?
- ... *stares blankly ahead*

19. do you skip meals?
- always...

20. do you consider yourself smart?
- academically yes.

21. Do u cook your own food?
- nope

22. reason for living?
- Life

23. Are you typically a jolly person?
- on the surface

24. name one enemy of yours:
- insecurity

25. Name your close friends
- marius, cielo, karen, yannie, amae, larapot, whil, mens, ron, jm, migs

26. Who's first person in your
phonebook?
-aa (balance inquiry)

27. What did the last text message you
received say!?
- "ok."

28. Do you go to gym?
- yah, pag may epc mass... hahaha!

29. song playing at the moment:
- some rock song

30. Name someone with the same b-day
- kuya jesvir

31. What's the craziest thing you've
done?
- hahaha! run around our place while it's raining...actually bagyo yun. nung milenyo

32. Favorite color(s)?
- moss green, royal blue, canary yellow

33. What's your favorite nO#
- 14, 12

34. What is d song dedicated to ur
ex..?
- misery business

35. Who is d person that makes u cry..?
- my knight in shining armor

36. Any plans right now?
- go home

37. What are your plans for tonight?
- sleep,

38. What are you looking forward to
tomorrow?
- class sa mass com

39. Last time you smiled?
- kanina

40. Who do you wanna be with right now
- mom ko....

FIRST REACTIONS????

1. Beer: elbi square

2. Food: fried chicken

3. Relationships: it's complicated

4. Your CRUSH: nakita ko kanina

5. Power Rangers: white tiger

6. Life: as i know it???

7. Death: rather than sin???

8. School: UPLB

9. The President: ate naiza

10. Yummy: brylle!

11. Cars: yellow beetle

12. Movie: drumline

13. Halloween: jack o' lanterns

14. Sex: sacred

15. Religion: faith

16. Myspace: ....

17. Fear: frogs

18. Marriage: white

19. Blondes: gwyneth paltrow

20. SLIPPERS: ralph selga

21. SHOES: green sneakers

22. Asians: food! yummy food

23: Past time: sleep

24. One night stands: stupid

25: Cell Phone: text!

27: Smoke: asthma

28. Fantasy: palawan

29: COLLEGE: UPLB

30: Highschool Life: sleep

31. Pyjamas: banas

32. Stars: callalily

33. Fitness Center: torture dungeon

34. Alcohol: baby!!! hahaha!

35. The word love: selfless

36. Friends: laughter through all the pain

37. Money: green

38. Heartache: it has a name na.._____________

39. Time: is gold?

40. Divorce: a big no-no

41. Dogs: dugal

42. UndiES: spongebob

43. Parents: love

44. Babies: cute

45. Stripper: why?

46. Blogs: release

47. News: ? apathy?

48. Weddings: white

49. Pizza: cayo


50. kleenex: toilet

on my friends...

kinopya ko lang kay yannie... i was very honest and i did not peek.... promise!
Circle of Friends


1. Camae
2. Cielo
3. april
4. enzo
5. whil
6. marius
7. ralph
8. cayo
9. chino
10. clemens
11. kuya cj
12. ron abriel
13. miggy
14. jm david
15. jayson roxas
16. aries xander
17. karen solares
18. lara lolos
19. marou
20. carlo roxas

Who is 8 going out with: siguro wala.. tingin ko wala... kasi kung meron sasabihin naman nya

Is 9 a boy or a girl: boy

Would 11 and 2 make a cute couple: kung hindi taken si cielo bakit hindi....

How about 18 and 4: wahahaha! kagulo siguro pag nagkataon...

What grade is 17 in: 3dapat 3rd year na... kaso second pa lang

When was the last time you talked to 12: kanina sa class....


What is 6's favorite show: hmmm.... wowowee??? hahaha!


Does 1 have any siblings: yup... three...

Would you ever date 3: wahahaha! si efffreell??? ayoko... hahaha! peace!

Would you ever date 7: bakit hindi??? kaso matakaw yun eh

Is 15 single: hindi yata

What's 16's last name: Arevalo

What's 5's middle name: di ko alam....

What's 10's fantasy: wahahaha! kilala ko kaso secret na lang....


Would 14 and 19 make a good couple: pwede.... pero WAG!!!!

What school does 20 go to: LIT

Tell me a random fact about 11: masarap kasama, magaling umiyak


And 1: my bestest bestfriend ever

Have you ever had a crush on 16: haha! *tawa na lang ako* hahaha! kapatid nga eh...


Where does 9 live: makati yata dati ngayon canlubang

What's 4's favorite color: green...lumot green...

Would you makeout with 14:waaaaahhhh! anu ba yun?? child abuse!!!!


Are 5 & 6 best friends: di nga sila magkakilala eh... pero pwede...


Does 7 like 20: not acquainted.

Does 8 like 19: possible


How did you meet 15: tropa ni kuya ko

Is 12 older than you: months lang. six months ata

Have you ever given 13 a hug: yup.. last monday....

Is 17 the sexiest person a live: yup... i would have to agree.... go em!!!

numbness and oblivion

repeated blows to the chest made me choose not to feel. my heart that was once empathetic is frozen with apathy . i do not to care about anything and almost everything. I find the situation quite amusing, i do not have to worry about getting hurt over and over again, i need not to fear being left behind, i need not to fear losing anything in my life. I sit here watching people around me cry and scream in pain. I must be happy about it. I really do not know. How am i to know? i choose not to entertain thoughts of feeling any emotion. i created this snow castle around me. I live in a world of oblivion. i am no cinderella, i am more like aurora, the sleeping princess. I am in a deep slumber and i don't plan on waking up any time soon. allow me to rest for a while, a little longer please...

seeing double

i live a double life...

a part of me is the shallow, loud mouth people see often... i laugh a lot and i talk a lot. i appear to be rather stupid... a push over...

the other part of me is the cold and bitter person, i speak seldomly but i have the answers. i am the thinker. this part of me is the smart one. i never let my feelings get in the way, this is the part that has forgotten to feel...
somewhere between these two hides the silent deviant... a rebel... a happy rebel... damaged, broken, scrarred, imperfect... but hey, nobody is perfect... i am trying to be normal... i am attempting to live a happy life. I am trying to see the essence of living inspite of all the pain. i am trying to let "me" show... trying to be there for people as much as possible without conforming. i am going against the norms, defying the rules... i am trying to live life the way i want to, guided by the values i have kept in my heart. i follow the inner compass that leads us all to where we're supposed to go... i am risking getting hurt and being rejected. i am embracing all my issues, i am owning my mistakes, i am living and loving it... i love. i try to be human, i am in the process of thawing my cold heart. i am in the process of regaining the ability of feeling---something that i have forgotten to do after all these years...

convinced that i am born for greater things, i try to maximize my potentials... i am done with mediocrity... gone are the years of effortless victories... i will make the most out of every opportunity laid before me... i will be someone significant....
whew... rather ambitious, don't you think???! *winks*

with you...

my life seems to have started anew...
i dunno how long this love would last...
maybe for as long as you don't know how i feel...
maybe for as long as they don't know how i feel...
but each day that passes our way,
i feel as if what i have been keeping inside will let itself out in one way or another...
not now...
please...

nine...
sensitive
sensible
understanding
sweet
rational
thoughtful
cheerful
relaxed
concerned

knowing these young men is such a great blessing...

happiness is...

having friends who'd stand by you no matter what...
friends who won't ask, they'd just understand...
friends who'd listen even if words are not spoken,
friends who'd give space to grow,
friends who'd respect one's individuality,
friends who'd love and accept one for who he/she is...

having friends like them makes my life worthwhile...
friends who make me happy...

keeping my heart out of sight

some say i have turned into someone as hard as a rock,
as cold as ice,
maybe it is because they do not understand what i am going through...
maybe it is because they really don't know me,
they judge me out of the things they hear about me,
they harshly comment on what i do,
they rarely take time to see what my intentions are...
people misunderstand me,
i am NOT my work...
i am what i am...
you just have to believe...
take time to get to know me,
maybe you'd see who i really am...
you'll see the pain I'm in...
you'll see that i am not as happy as i seem,
i am not as strong as i appear to be...

you'll see that i am broken...

and almost hopeless...

so don't go on making me feel how bad i am for being cold...
i have my reasons...
i need to keep my heart out of sight...
I'm just trying to be fair with myself...
I'm just trying to help myself heal...
give me time...

close encounters...

i am dating...
i have a constant date with this wonderful guy...
He's fun to be with,
He makes me feel good about myself,
He is really nice.
we get along really well.
I could tell Him anything and everything under the sun.
after a long day at school, it just feels good having someone to talk to.

As i walk my way home, i stare at the stars and just admire how He wisely placed everything in its proper place.
I just start to tell Him stories, especially those about my classmates.
I try not to forget to listen to what He wants to tell me.

At the end of each day, I try my hardest to remember that the world may throw at me the biggest of all the problems there is, but then, i have one big God to back me up, there's no need to fear. Everything's gonna be okay, I'll do just fine.

random thoughts

one name: Don Bosco!!!

the foundation week may be over but i am still on high...
last night was one of the coolest nights ever!
that was the time when i felt that i really AM a Bosconian...
happiness just overwhelmed me and it almost made me cry...
true enough, Don Bosco lives on.
he lives in each Bosconian there is, the inspiration he left us is just so great.
I feel really blessed having a saint for a father.
I feel blessed being with people who makes life really wonderful.