Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Creative Writing

(photo from

This morning, in our Creative Writing Class we were made to pick an item from this creepy jar Mr. Vergara brought to class. The activity freaked me out, especially the picking part. I got a wilt eggplant. It was crinkly and dry...all the life sucked out of it. We were made to write whatever came to our minds, my classmates had items like a Barney stuffed toy, a piece of clay, a toy lizard and other stuff like that.

I was commended for my work, it's an emo-ish piece of shit. hehehe!

Useless. I hate the feeling of being useless. I want to be busy. I want to work. I work hard, i work hard. Then I'm wilt, I get tired. My colors fade, I shine less. Useless. I get sad, I think of myself as someone so invaluable, so small, so powerless. Useless. Death. I die a thousand deaths even before my body would. I die when i see them happy without me. Useless. I die when i can't be with him. I die when he cries, I die when he's quiet. I die when he's bitter, I die when i get blamed. I die, slowly, slowly. I die when i smile and cry inside. I cry when i am at peace with Him. I cry when i miss the kiss. I die. I let go when i die, then i hold back again when i come alive. I come alive when they smile. I am alive. But time will come, their s,miles won't make me alive. Then i am truly dead. I die. I'll be useless when i die. I die when i am scared. I die when i see frogs. I die little by little. I die when my mommy cries, i die when my kuya's being the ass that he really is . I die, I died when Fr. Roel left three years ago. Useless. When i can't do the things i am told. I lose my head, i wilt, my colors fade, my shine falters me. I am scared, i am petrified of lizards, snakes and frogs, of rats and of fluffy creatures, dead or alive, they're scary. I die. I scream, i shout. Then I'm tired, I write, I clear my head, I cry, I sleep. i see Barney and i get this nasty feeling, I see mangoes and I remember home. I see snakes I remember my mom, I see a piece of clay i remember my daddy. He's dead, he's dead. He's a wilt piece of something and nothing will change that. He got tired. I am in pain. He died. He's dead. He was killed. I've been killed before I've been killed. Then i am dead. Useless, lifeless, wilt. I'm dead.