permanence...

This is one topic i really fins hard to talk about: LOVE. When the discussion seems to lean towards this side, i often get loud and obnoxious, trying to avoid being serious about it, trying to avoid intimate conversations. Weird? Maybe.

Takot ako eh, i am not comfortable having people near me, i am not used to that, i am not used to having people hugging me, embracing me, it's not that i don't like the feeling, i just feel scared when people come near me. I fear being attached to people, i fear being committed. Siguro kasi, in my life, nothing has been permanent, kaya takot ako pag may tumatagal sa kin. I know how painful it is to lose something, to lose someone, i haven't mastered the art of losing. kahit na sabihing i've been losing things and people all my life. It's something i'll never get used to. Yes, i may be immune to the pain already but i may never get over it.

There's this one that i am holding on to, that i want to be permanent. I want to hold on to this for a long time. i don't want to let go.