Saturday, March 1, 2008


one day at the office of student affairs, feeling yata namin eh nasa ibang bansa kami, super aircon talaga, my fingers statrted to feel numb talaga, eh ako pa naman is very used to biting the tips of my fingers, (very kadiri mannerism), anyway, i didn't notice that one of my fingers was bleeding already. imust have been too numb to even notice that i was bleeding na.

that incident was a good material to reflect on.numbness kills, pero NUMBNES IS NEVER AN EXCUSE TO HURT ANYONE. that's one lesson i have learned in the past week. i have hurt somebody so dear to me because i was too numb to even notice that i was already hurting him. now, i find it hard to get him back. i always find ways to excuse myself from all the pains i bring other people. i often say, "di ko kasi alam...", " akala ko kasi..."
namanhid na ko, sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko parang wala nang pwedeng mangyari na ikakalungkot ko pa. My being numb resulted to me being selfish and cold, tapos i get sad when people leave me, now i see why. now i know why and i can't blame them. Who would want to stay with someone so cold and bitter?
at first i was asking for someone who would come to save me from the ice castle, but then i realized, i built the walls of ice around me, i am the only one who can break loose from it.i need healing from within. i need to be up to the challenge, the process of healing can be very painful but i need to do it.
i will not do it for others. i need to this for myself. i don't want to be the ice princess anymore. i don't want to live in fear anymore, kasi ngayon because of fear, di ko alam i'm bleeding na pala...